You and your partner have both decided that couple counselling would be a good idea, but first, are you certain that you agree on what is wrong?

Couples who arrive for couple counselling often say that they are here to "work on their relationship" or to "improve their communication".

Often, though, each one arrives with the (often unconscious) intention of proving that they are right and that their partner is wrong and they try (hard) to convince the therapist that this is the case and to get the psychotherapist to see things from their point of view. Each person believes that if only their partner would change, then all will be perfect between them (as it was at the beginning of the relationship)!

When this is the case, it is important that each partner take on board that change needs to come from both individuals and both need to learn some sound relationship skills in order to get the relationship back on track.

In the next post I will write about hidden agendas relating to the goal of couple counselling – for example, when one partner wants to work on the relationship whilst their spouse is (sometimes privately) considering opting out.