Giving advice to friends, partners and family is invariably a bad idea! Why do I say this?
As a psychologist I see many clients who have been burned badly emotionally with the repercussions of advice giving even though the advice is often given with the best will in the world, with love and empathy, often in response to a heartfelt request from somewhat close to you who is in a real jam.
Advice giving is a bad idea because:
In order to feel a sense of personal empowerment, individuals need to come up with their own solutions to problems. Everyone is unique in terms of their worldview, personality, skills and attitudes. We can’t expect that our answers will suit anyone else. Providing answers for significant others will invariably not solve their problem(s) but will only provide a band-aid at best.
There is a risk that you, as the advice-giver, will become invested in the other person’s outcome as you have, in all likelihood, spent considerable time and emotional energy on enabling a solution to their problem. Should they not follow your advice it is possible that you will become frustrated and even angry with the person because you have set yourself up with a set of unconscious and even conscious expectations regarding your friend’s intention to follow your advice to the letter. You have consequently become psychologically invested in a favourable outcome based on your advice.
This type of situation has the potential to seriously damage your relationship!
Giving advice also puts the advice-given in a one-up position (even if this is only temporary) in relation to the person asking for advice. This can cause resentment and even a dip in self-esteem on the part of the friend seeking the advice.
So what is the answer? Should you never give advice to anyone?
(Well, here I am giving you advice about not giving advice!)
I would suggest spending some time with the person, exploring all the various facets of the problem and the pros and cons of all possible solutions as well as the potential barriers to implementing all possible courses of action. This will require good listening skills on your part as well as a great deal of (rational) empathy (emotional empathy may cause you to become too emotionally involved in the problem which may limit your ability to remain objective and impartial).
This will put your friend in the position of choosing a solution of him or herself and taking responsibility for it’s implementation. You are merely the facilitator of the process, therefore, and the coach along the way (should your friend feel that your input this regard could be useful). But here again it would be a matter of sounding out the person as to what they would like in terms of your role.
I would appreciate your comments!