Consider the following scenario:
Your intimate partner is regularly staying late at work. You know that the only other person in the office after hours is your spouse’s attractive and single boss. In addition they often have “working” lunches together.
Do you have a right to object?
I have just come across an article in Psychology Today which addresses this question:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201005/adultery-what-counts-and-who-decides
The author of the article states that infidelity is in the eye of the beholder – that if you or your partner objects to a certain behaviour of on the part of the other, that said behaviour should be stopped.
However, how do you determine whether or not concerns about your partner’s actions are rational and justifiable?
Should your partner always alter their behaviour based on your reservations and/or insecurities? The main problem that arises is that the person whose behaviour is questioned will feel that their partner does not totally trust them, which will very likely cause major problems between the couple. Taken to the extreme a relationship where this type of dynamic is initiated could start to feel extremely constricting and unhappy.
So what is the answer when insecurities arise in a relationship?
I am of the view that these types of issues need to be discussed in an open discussion between the couple. It is important that each partner not come into the discussion being convinced that they are right and that their partner is wrong. Empathy and goodwill are essential in order that a decision can be reached that each partner is able to live with.
If you find that this type of discussion tends to become heated and that you and your partner battle to constructively resolve important issues, it is advisable that you find a wise and unbiased third party who can help you find mutually acceptable solutions.