With some behaviour that you can’t stand?
How likely is it that he/she will change?
Unhappy couples who see me for relationship counselling usually complain at length about their partner’s problematic behaviour.
Often, though, their partner is not convinced that their behaviour is a problem and hence they are unwilling to do the work required to bring about behaviour change.
How can we assess our partner’s readiness for change?
Ellen Bader, an international trainer of therapists in the specialist field of couple counselling, has come up with an interesting way to determine a partner’s motivation for change. See the video at http://www.couplesinstitute.com/clutter-battle/
As Ellen discusses in her video, motivation is a complex issue and involves a number of components namely desire for change, evaluation of the likelihood of success divided by the degree of unwanted effort required as well as the degree of emotional risk.
It is important for the partner who is initiating the request for change to occur in their spouse to be open to their own emotional underpinnings for wanting the change to occur. The partner should also be encouraging and provide positive reinforcement in the form of acknowledgement and praise for signs of positive change.
I would welcome your comments on this model once you have given it a try!