Tag: Positive behaviour change

Categories
Life in General Maintaining Healthy Relationships

Couples: Does your partner sometimes drive you crazy?

With some behaviour that you can’t stand?

How likely is it that he/she will change?

 

Unhappy couples who see me for relationship counselling usually complain at length about their partner’s problematic behaviour.

Often, though, their partner is not convinced that their behaviour is a problem and hence they are unwilling to do the work required to bring about behaviour change.

How can we assess our partner’s readiness for change?

Ellen Bader, an international trainer of therapists in the specialist field  of couple counselling, has come up with an interesting way to determine a partner’s motivation for change. See the video at http://www.couplesinstitute.com/clutter-battle/

As Ellen discusses in her video, motivation is a complex issue and involves a number of components namely desire for change, evaluation of the likelihood of success divided by the degree of unwanted effort required as well as the degree of emotional risk.

It is important for the partner who is initiating the request for change to occur in their spouse to be open to their own emotional underpinnings for wanting the change to occur. The partner should also be encouraging and provide positive reinforcement in the form of acknowledgement and praise for signs of positive change.

I would welcome your comments on this model once you have given it a try!

 

 

Categories
Health and Happiness Life in General

Do you plan to be healthier and happier in 2015?

Give yourself a sporting chance of keeping those important New Year’s resolutions!

How recent findings from psychology can inform our efforts when it comes to goal-setting and successful behaviour change.

 

A recent article in Time magazine outlines the steps that each of us should take when we are considering a health-related behaviour goal for 2015, such as becoming fitter, eating more healthily or giving up smoking. This behaviour change process is based on psychological research findings.

 

First, it is advised that you start immediately as the start of a New Year provides us with a boost of optimism and a sense of renewal. Tomorrow would be an ideal day as research indicates that this is the most popular day of the week to initiate a behaviour change initiate such as starting with a new eating or exercise plan.

 

Second, work out a detailed plan. You are much more likely to be successful if you have made a detailed plan (written down), with short, medium and long-term goals listed as well as (realistic) time frames.

 

One shouldn’t, however, have a back-up plan! It appears that the existence of a back-up plan signals to our unconscious that failure is an option, which weakens one’s resolve!

 

Then in order to really commit to the goal you could promise to donate a certain amount of money to a worthy cause! And tell someone else about your plan. Social support is invaluable and also it is more difficult to relapse without losing face!

 

And finally – conserve your willpower for the really important behaviour changes! Research findings indicate that our willpower is a finite resource – only a certain amount is available at any one time, so if we resist temptation in once area it is very hard to marshal the necessary willpower for something else.

 

It is therefore advisably not to try to change too many things in one’s life at one time!

 

Best wishes to everyone who is going for a healthier and happier 2015!

 

 

 

 

Categories
Health and Happiness Life in General Psychology in practice

New Year’s Resolutions Aren’t For The Faint-hearted!

If you really want to make some positive changes in your life during 2014 you need commitment and single-minded determination!

We always get told that change isn’t easy – but do we really take this fact on board?

At this time of year we invariably think about the New Year ahead and promise ourselves that we will finally make those changes we have had in mind for so long – maybe to give up a bad habit or to lose weight and to get fit. It all sounds to wonderfully positive and optimistic, and we tend to feel better immediately, asif we have already succeeded!

However, as we also know, New Year’s resolutions rarely survive until the end of January. They are extremely difficult to maintain. Why is that?

We are all stuck in our comfort-zones, to a greater or lesser degree. Our lives are governed by rituals and habits, which work for us on some level, otherwise we would not have incorporated them into our lives along the way. Making changes to these patterns is equivalent to swimming upstream against a strong current – you need to have sufficient energy and staying power for the long marathon swim!

So what can you do to improve your chances of success when it comes to positive behaviour change?

First, it is important to think through the change/changes you want to make very carefully. What are your goals? Why do you wish to change this behaviour? What are your reasons for wanting to change? What will it involve? How motivated are you to make these changes? What are your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to self-control? Are you sufficiently committed and determined?

If we try to change our behaviour often and constantly fail for whatever reason, this can seriously affect our self-esteem. So before embarking on a programme of self-improvement, thorough preparation is key.

Second, identify people in your life who will be supportive and who will encourage you, particularly when your motivation falters. Sometimes the people in our lives actually undermine our efforts at self-improvement, either consciously or unconsciously. It is important that we confront this behaviour if at all possible as it can easily undermine our behaviour change efforts. Let the poeple in your life know what you need from them in order to help you succeed.

In my psychology practice I advise clients who wish to change some aspect of their behaviour to get an exercise book or a journal and write down their goals and the steps they need to take, (short, medium and long-term) in order to successfully achieve these. It is a good idea to use columns for this purpose, and to have a column in which time frames are noted. A “comments” column is also useful, where insights or problems can be recorded.

And when your goals have been successfully achieved, be very aware that you will need to maintain, and practice the new behaviours for at least four to six months consistently for these to be incorporated into your life as an unconscious, self-sustaining behaviour.

 

Best wishes with all your endeavours in 2014!