I have seen a number of distressed couples in my practice recently. Often, unfortunately, the prognosis is not optimistic as couples tend to wait too long before coming for help. Research has found that unhappy couples wait on average six years before finally opting for couples’ therapy I many cases by this stage at least one partner is already (privately) deciding that there is no hope of repair and is at the point of deciding to leave the relationship.
However, turning to the subject of portability. Recently I have had two couples who have related to me how there relationship changed radically when they relocated. The relationships tended to deteriorate in a new city when the social support situation changed – in one case the one partner no longer had a friendship and family network in the new city with the consequence that additional demands were placed on the partner, who in turn felt overwhelmed and unable to cope.
In the example of the second couple, when the pair relocated they moved to the city where her parents lived. The partner could not cope with constantly being around his spouse’s friends and family, whom he disliked. The resultant arguments and negativity caused the relationship to deteriorate to the point where the couple were seriously contemplating divorce.
So the take home message is – If you and your partner are considering relocating to another part of the world, consider carefully how the change could impact on your relationship. Think about the support systems that keep your relationship stable and plan for how you will go about developing new contacts and sources of support. This is especially important if you have small children and/or either partner suffers from anxiety, depression or other type of psychological problem.