To be successful, understand what motivates you!
In my practice I often help individuals and couples identify the behaviours that keep them stuck in unhappy or less than optimal lives and relationships. That is the (relatively) easy part! How to achieve long-lasting change is always the major challenge!
Motivation is always a complex and difficult issue and numerous self-help books have been written on the subject.
I have recently become aware of a potentially very useful book entitled ” Better than before: Mastering the Habits of our Everyday lives” by a researcher named Gretchen Rubin. She has also researched the topic of happiness and has detailed her findings in a book named “The Happiness Project”. I highly recommend this book for anyone who would like to increase the happiness in their lives (isn’t this everybody?!). It is well researched and provides a great deal of food for thought and practical guidance.
However, getting back to behaviour and habit change….
Ms Rubin found that motivation isn’t a “one size fits all” dynamic, but that individuals are motivated according to four broad styles – Upholder, Obliger, Questioner and Rebel. These styles differ according to what essentially drives a person’s motivation to change. Upholders tend to be driven to meet intrinsic as well as external expectations (in terms of their own standards as well as wishing to conform to the standards of significant others/laws/institutions).
Obligers, on the other hand, tend to respond mainly to the expectations of others but struggle to be self-motivated. Questioners are those who will not accept any call for behaviour change until they have questioned extensively the rationale for change. Rebels resist all expectations for change, and as such present a real challenge for psychologists and coaches alike.
‘Ms Rubin concludes that it is important to identify a person’s predominant motivation pattern in order to maximise the chances of successful behaviour change.
So what category fits you best?