Then make sure that you are fully acquainted with his or her shadow side!
I see many unhappy individuals and couples on my psychology practice. Many have been in committed relationships for quite some time and communication and goodwill has broken down in the relationship to the extend that they may be on the verge of splitting up. Other people present at the beginning of a relationship, however, when they are trying to decide whether or not to take their relationship onto another level and/or to get married.
During the course of my couple counselling with people in distress, I invariably ask for the history of the relationship to date and I ask what characteristics attracted the partners to each other. Often clients recount how they were totally attracted to a prospective partner because of certain traits that they noticed in the other person, such as their sense of adventure, their sense of humour or the depth of their spirituality. Because of the mutual attraction to the perceived sterling qualities of the the partner, the relationship takes off and quickly becomes mutually satisfying and the individuals begin to develop strong bonds and feeling towards one another.
However at some stage it is likely that the partner’s more undesirably traits may begin to manifest. For example, a partner may become aware that their significant other may be lazy and untidy and disinclined to get off the couch over weekends. This type of situation can, of course, be brought into therapy in order to attempt to find a solution that would suit both parties. However, when it is discovered that a prospective spouse displays a trait or characteristic that is totally abhorrent to their partner because of his/her particular value system or firmly held goals, it is often difficult for the affected partner to let go of the relationship, even though they often know, in their heart of hearts, that long-term happiness and relationship satisfaction is highly unlikely due to a fundamental, non-negotiable, incompatibility.
So the take home message is – make sure that you know your partner very well before you commit for the long term. And ask yourself – can I live with all of his/her various traits, habits and hang-ups happily forever….?