What are the secrets to
a happy long-term relationship?
Because couples counselling is a special area of interest for me, I was especially
excited and intrigued to read John Gottman’s new book “The Science of Trust”.
His research into the ingredients that make successful relationships has spanned over 40 years and makes fascinating reading.
He has found that happy couples tend to continually spend time and effort getting to know each other (they build “love maps” in which they get to know the inner workings of their partners mind, what matters to him/her, and knowledge about their loved one’s dreams and aspirations.
Happy couples tend to show fondness, respect and admiration for their partner,
they tend to habitually focus on their partners good points and strengths rather than on their weak points or perceived personality flaws).
In successful relationships, couples also tend to acknowledge the efforts made by their spouse to be helpful and emotionally available. This is termed “turning towards” the other by Dr Gottman. He states that
these three aspects create the first tiers of a “Sound Relationship House” for a happy and fulfilling relationship.
In a future post I will talk about Dr Gottman’s exploration of the crucial role that trust plays in
intimate relationships.