At the moment I am seeing a client who says that she hates herself! Why? Because she believes that she should be the perfect employee and the perfect daughter, and she feels that she is letting herself down because she is not getting it 100% right!
As a result she is constantly putting herself down and as a result is angry, depressed and has a sense of dread and misery when she wakes up every morning.
Why is this the case? Often the seeds are sown in childhood when parents are never satisfied with the achievements of their children. A child in this situation will start to internalise these standards, and when they reach adulthood, they internalise the critical voice of the parent and it becomes an unconscious uncompromising internal driver. This often fuels the harsh critical voice (that I discussed in a previous post), leading to depression, poor self-image and even self-hatred.
So what can be done to help?
1. The first step is to recognise your perfectionstic patterns of thought and be motivated to change them.
Cognitive-behavioural therapy has been found to be an effective approach. IN CBT we work with thought patterns – when you find yourself using the words “should” and “must” to yourself on a regular basis, this may be a sign that you being overly perfectionsitic. I have also found ego-state therapy to be very useful.
2. Although of course it is important to strive to achieve your goals and to feel that you are good at what you are doing, it is also important to accept that you (like everyone else) are fallable and that perfection is an ideal that can rarely be achieved.
On the other hand, being a well-rounded, balanced, happy and fulfilled person is a goal worth striving for!